To Infinity & Beyond

I’ve said it many times, we all have gone through hard situations in life; situations we would much rather forget, leave in the past. And trust me, we try, very hard. But sometimes we have such trouble letting go, moving on, that we hold on to things for way to long, and let those things eat at us, cause anxiety, and affect our life and our happiness. Today, I wanted to talk about moving on, about leaving the past where it belongs, in the past, behind us. I find myself in this conundrum right now; I want nothing more than to move on, to forget and to carry on with my life and our life, together. But I keep asking the question, how do I exactly do it? Is it time what I need? Is time the best friend of the future and the antidote to the past? If so, then we go back to patience; something I asked for so long; exactly what got me through everything and kept me strong. But as I’ve said before, time takes time and we are impatient by nature, we want instant results.

But I know that in the end, it’ll all be OK. That I will move on from all my daemons and that we will move on to the future and away from the past. Every day that goes by I see progress, forward progress, that is. Through communication and after all, love, we should continue to get stronger and continue to grow together, towards that future. I know I have to continue to be patient, and let time help me, and us, to move on. I know that it is our pasts that define who we are today, but that does not mean we should carry it with us. We have to use our pasts, when troubling and hurting, as examples of what not to do, as examples of who we don’t want to be, and use that to become the person we truly want to become. Know that dwelling on the past only prevents you from spending time in the present and planning for the future.

Don’t become a slave to your past. Control your thoughts and your emotions, clear your mind of bad memories; memories that remind you of who you don’t want to be. All they will do is stress you and make you stagnate in life. I know I need to look forward and not backwards, look at the future and not dwell on what happened in the past; there is nothing I can do about it now. Life is hard, life a bitch in fact, but we are much stronger than we believe ourselves to be. It is in situations like these that we must be mentally strong, and have enough will power to control our subconscious and don’t let it control us. We are the only ones in control of our thoughts and our emotions, our feelings. Have faith and believe in the future, and in yourself. Understand that a bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the turn. Always remember this; may your past be the ground on which you stand and walk on today. Leave your past, close the door, and move on.

Palm Sunday

Today is Palm Sunday and it marks the day Jesus entered Jerusalem in his journey to crucifixion and resurrection; it's a time to look back and remember what He did for all of us, all He sacrificed for us. It's the beginning of Easter season, of Holy Week; and a time for all of us to be humble, ask for forgiveness and try to follow on Jesus' footsteps. It is as much a time to be good role models, to set the right example, not only for each other, but for the children of the world. He did that for us, all His children, thousands of years ago, and we shall continue that. In this time of celebration, and solemnity as well, remember all the children around you and make the effort to set the right example for them.

Unfortunately, today is also the day a great friend of mine lost someone very dear to her. Someone she considered a mother, someone who meant the world to her. And to be honest I was at a loss of words when I heard. I think we all are when we hear someone we care about has heard such tragic news. And although she might have been prepared for it; can one ever prepare for something like that? Either way, all I could think of saying was that I though there was some significance to the date she finally ascended into heaven to be with Him. All I said was that today was the day Jesus' journey to death and resurrection began, today marked the day His great sacrifice for all of us began and it was the day He chose to take her with Him. I know that what I said, or for that matter, anything else I could have said in its place, will not soften the blow of losing someone she cared so much about, but at the very least I think she knows now that she rests in peace and is at peace, with no more pain.

We all go through painful situations in life, some harder than others. But today on Palm Sunday I ask you in particular to remember and pray for all those who have left us, for all those who sacrificed for us and are no longer with us. Remember the greatest sacrifice that was done for us thousands of years ago, a sacrifice that allows us today to live the life we do. Remember all those you have lost, all those people who you hold so dear in your heart; pray for them and with them, and never forget that now, they are sited next to Him and will always be watching over you and all of us. On Palm Sunday, Jesus had the bigger picture in mind. He could see the future and it is because He chose to die for us, He planned to die for us, He came to die for us, that we can live in the world we live in. Life is full of ups and downs; thank and glorify God during the ups and always blindly trust him during the downs. Amen.

Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?

I know this song speaks about one person, that person we give our lives to, that person we love above everyone else. But today I really want to talk about this question in a much broader sense. Have I really told all those people that matter to me, that I love them? I know a while back I wrote about that; I wrote about telling those you love that you indeed love them, and to be honest I went on and on about it and how important it was. And during the time right after, I did do it. But then I stopped, yet again fell back into my old ways; hypocritical if you wish. And I think it had a lot to do with my state of mind at the time. And not to use that as an excuse, because it is not, but I had talked several times in the past about how I was losing feeling inside of me, in my heart. And I think what really happened is that I became comfortably numb; no particular reference to Pink Floyd by the way!

And along with that came apathy. But not only towards my wife, but to all those I loved and all those around me. I probably didn’t realize it at the time, or better said, didn’t want to accept it at the time. I know I didn’t let people in to help me, to try and see what was in my mind. A great friend told me that all I did was push people away, and that it would only make things worse. And I think I listened, but didn’t really embrace what was happening to me and what I was doing to those around me. That apathy that grew inside of me, that apathy I thought was towards my feelings for my wife, was really towards everyone who loved me. I start to see that now, because now that my head is clearer, I can see that I really shut a lot of people down, when all they were trying to do was help me. I know I am that type of person, a very introverted person, who in times of trouble shuts down and tries to figure things out inside. But I have learned, and really continue to learn as the days go by, that I need to be more open; let people in. And not only in my own relationship and my own marriage, but with my family, my friends, and all those who love me.

I know circumstances have changed and I feel better now, but that does not mean I don’t need those people in my life anymore. If anything I need them more, to make sure I stay the course of this new person I am trying to be, but most importantly so I can give back to those few people who stood by my side when the times were the worse, when I was at my lowest, when my pain was the hardest, they truly sacrificed for me. I know I have done things in the past to push these people away, but they have stayed with me and that speaks to their character and the value they put on our relationship. I have thanked them in the past and will do for the rest of my life; this was a tough stage in my life and of all the people I know, they were the only ones there. And they know who they are; I don’t need to name them. But I have realized that I have to be more explicit about my gratitude, if you will. I am sorry, again, if I have not told you that I love you lately; I know I have thought about it and I think about it every day. This love is different, it is an appreciation and gratitude for the support, advice and loyalty they have to me; it is knowing that no matter what they’ll be there to help me, that I consider them my family and they consider me just as much. I know my love for all of them has to grow, my wife included. And I also know I have to let more love into my life, let people love me – no questions asked.

I’d like to leave with an extract of the song the title comes from. To quote Van Morrison, this goes to all those who I love and who love me, “You fill my heart with gladness, take away all the sadness, ease my troubles, that’s what you do”. Take this from the bottom of my heart, I truly mean it and I hope I can give that back to you one day.

Workout-Buddy

Tonight I feel like talking about exercise, per my Workout-Buddy; and please don't try to figure out who that is, because in all honesty, it is no one! Exercise is something very important in our lives, and for our lives; yet it is sad not many people actually take the time to do it. I see America become more and more obese every day, and it really saddens me, because after all this is a wonderful country with wonderful people. As I try to become a better person, for me and for my marriage, I have made the decision to give back to my body; and I mean that almost literally. I think sometimes we exercise for the wrong reasons; and yes, believe it or not, that is possible! What I mean by that is that we need to exercise to give back to our bodies, to treat it well, thank it for everything that it has given us. It is a way to become a better person, to feel better, live a fuller life. I have realized we shouldn't work out because we want to look better, or because we want to look like someone else. We should love ourselves for who we are and try to BE better, not look better.

Exercising can lead to narcissism at times; we get very high on ourselves, we start to think we can take on anything, and that is never good; it is natural, but not good. We need to stay grounded, level headed and understand that we are all the same, regardless of what we look like. Exercising leads to better health, more energy, more fun, etc... These are all traits that enhance our way of living, allow is to, again, live a more fulfilling life. It is amazing to me how vane society has become. We shouldn't be with people just for what they look like, we shouldn't be friends with people just because of what they look like and most of all we shouldn't judge anyone for what they look like. Sometimes we get caught up in looks and forget what is inside. I know I am guilty of this, and as I move forward and know that is something I need to work on. I need to love my wife for whom she is. We need to understand there is much more to a person than looks. I used to make fun of people, because I thought it was funny, maybe even made me feel better about myself, but I have come to realize that it is hurtful and it serves no purpose.

I have goals this year, exercise goals. I know I want to run more, I want to exercise more; I want to be more active. I wrote last night I have bowed to spend more time outside, in nature; and what better way than running, cycling, hiking. But I don’t want to do this alone. I want to do this as a team, with her. Run together, walk together, and exercise together. And not to sound as if we need to do everything together, because we don’t; but exercise requires encouragement, someone behind you telling you that you can accomplish anything. And who better to do this with that the person you love. There is a long road ahead of us, but the road is starting to become straighter if you will, the fog is clearing slowly. And there is no need to speed right now, just take it easy and keep going steadily.

I know that as we move forward, exercise will play a big part in our lives. I know we both need to stay active, be more in touch with nature, and simply go back to basics. I ask you to do the same thing. Ask yourselves every morning, are you going to wimp, or are you going to be strong today? Run today what they will not, so tomorrow you can run what they cannot. Always remember that the feeling after a good run, a good workout, is a lot better than the feeling from sitting on the couch.

Wherever You Go, Always Bring Your Sunshine - But If It Rains, Just Get Wet

A few days ago I listened as someone read an excerpt of a book to me; the book, Sex God by Rob Bell. And let me just tell you that the book, or at least what I know about it, doesn’t really talk about sex that much. It talks a lot more about the spirituality of sex and how that plays in our lives. But tonight I want to focus on a particular chapter, the one that I listened to, as I drove. On a quick side note, I am starting to really enjoy reading, and more so, listening as someone tells me the story. I recently read The Wedding, by Nicholas Sparks, in audio-book. It was very peaceful to listen as someone calmly tells you a story, a truly moving story. But we can talk more on that book some other day!

The focus of tonight is nature, and in particular how disconnected we have become with nature, with the earth we live in, with everything living around us. One part of the excerpt that I vividly remember is when the author talks about how a commercial, and a brand for that matter, promise to get you closer to nature, simply by owning their car; I’m sure you know exactly what I am talking about by the way, I know I did! But let’s think about that for a second, is that really possible? Can something, a material thing really get you closer to nature? I highly doubt it. We have gotten so comfortable in our air conditioned houses in the summer, and heated in the winter, that we rarely spend time outside, in nature, and with nature. Stop for a minute and look around you. I’d like to think of flowers as God’s way of smiling at us, as the earth showing us its love and happiness. Think about the rain; we all dislike, if you will; it makes driving harder, we have to get the umbrella out, etc... But if you really look at it closer, rain makes the world smile, after the rain follows a rainbow, and it is with that rain that the flowers bloom and crops grow; people can eat. How can we ever think negatively of the rain? The rain is almost the world’s fuel. It is God’s way of reminding us that sometimes we must sacrifice for something better afterwards. But then again, we live in a society that is in such disconnect with nature, and with God at times, that I don’t really expect most to understand what I am saying. We get so caught up in our routines, our smart-phones and ourselves in all honesty, that we don’t look around anymore, and enjoy all that God created for us.

Think about nature and think about all the great natural wonders. I could be here forever naming these, but of the top of my head, the magnitude of the Grand Canyon, the beautiful fauna of the Amazon, the coral reefs in Australia. I have bowed this year to become more connected to nature. Go hiking, camping, spend time outside, eat outside in the summer, cook outside, plant my vegetables, and watch them grow. I want to understand nature better and pay tribute to what I know is God’s greatest creation. He created all of nature for us; he made sure all was there before he created men, and women. And I feel as if sometimes we don’t fully appreciate it. Take joy from watching flowers bloom or from understanding how a bee makes honey. Seek to comprehend how nature works and how amazing the world around us really is. We don’t really quite know how complex the world we live in really is, but sometimes we hear things, learn facts, that open our eyes. Do you know how a Jelly fish reproduces? I sure didn’t and it is quite amazing! Look it up, I’m sure you’ll be just as amazed as I was.

Open yourself up and let nature be your teacher; spend more time outside, learning about what it is that surrounds us and you will be amazed with what you will find. But always make sure you bring your sunshine wherever you go, bring your happiness with you, as the world is always smiling at us; smile back at it, I know I will. And just as well, be open to what the world gives you, if it rains, understand what it does for you, think of it as refreshing and just, well, get wet. Always remember, there are always flowers for those who want to see them, and as long as you keep looking up to the sun, you will never see a shadow. Oh, and by the way, the picture, the cherry blossoms at night at Kyoto’s Hirano Shrine. I don’t think I need to say anything else…

Families Are Built, And Strengthened, At The Dinner Table

If you know me, and you should by now, at least a little if you have followed my blog, you would know that food plays a big part in my life. I wrote a while back that cooking was a big part of my life, and like love, is something we should completely commit to, or not at all. Tonight I think I’d like to talk about the importance of the dinner table.

I think sometimes we tend to forget the power of sitting down at the dinner table, and sharing a meal, and alongside, our thoughts of the day, our feelings, our love, in all honesty. I have always believed that families are formed, and strengthened, at the dinner table. And you might think that is a bit extreme, but is it really? I can speak from experience, my own life. My wife and I would sit in front of the TV and eat dinner, every night, and don’t say much at all to each other. So concerned about what was going on on the TV, we slowly forgot to pay attention to each other. And to be honest, that has led to a lot of the issues we need to work on; communication; it is as if we completely forgot to talk to each other. And yes, of course, nothing of this sort justifies what happened, but I also believe in accepting everyone’s responsibility in the matter. I have not, and will never blame myself for what happened; those were my wife’s choices, but that is in the past and I’ve moved on. However, I do know, and understand, that there were things I could have done differently, we all do. And I am happy to be able to see these things, and accept them, as if we are to repair our marriage; we both have to accept the mistakes made, face them and be willing to work on them, and us.

But let’s go back to the dinner table; after all that is the whole point of tonight. As we become more and more separated from the world we live in and what makes it human, we remove ourselves from human emotion, from understanding feelings, and even from being empathetic to them. Sitting in front of the TV to eat dinner is, in my opinion, not something to be done; on a regular basis at least. I wish I could change the past, but I can’t; I can only look forward and try not to repeat the same mistakes.

I grew up in a family were we all had dinner together, at the table, where we talked about our days, shared memories and after all, build even more memories, together. Cooking, and eating, are both such big parts of my life and something I’d like to share with my new family, my wife. I hope for dinner to be a time of day with no distractions, no noise; where we can simply be together to talk, and be with each other. In today’s fast paced society, we tend to forget that sometimes we need to stop and take a minute to enjoy and look back on the day’s events, to listen to those we love; to stop and enjoy what we cooked as a family and to relax, together. We shouldn’t look at dinner as a chore, as something we must do because we would otherwise starve; that is the completely wrong approach.

Eating brings people together, dinner brings people together, and it has been for generations. The TV will never create memories for a family; sharing ideas, thoughts and experiences, will. I know I need to make the time to stop and enjoy life a bit more, that is something I know I need to work on, and I have been; for myself and for those who love me. Sitting down at the dinner table is one of those things. Just know that TV can always wait, your favorite shows will be there tomorrow; your loved ones however, might not. Pay attention to them and make the time to nurture and care for those relationships; the dinner table is a great place to start.

I Was Enchanted To Meet You

As usual with my posts, the titles are very misleading, and sometimes they flat out make no sense; but we'll get to this one later. In the last couple of days I have been thinking about our wedding, how it was, what it meant. To be honest, I can't really remember all that much, but it is funny, because what I do remember, are very particular details.

December 17^th, 2011 was the date, and that day will always be with me, and with her. We got married in Peru, where I am from, and because of that, we were not very involved in the actual physical preparations. Although it was our choice, hers and mine, and I personally wouldn’t change it, I think I missed being part of some of the planning; and so did she. You always look forward to tasting cakes, trying out caterers, going to look at venues, etc…, and even though I might not have thought about it at the time, I know my wife would have liked that too. But again, we made the choice of getting married in another country, and with that came delegating a lot of the responsibilities. And we got a lot of help, from my mom in particular. She put in a lot of her time, a lot of her efforts and a lot of love to make it as close as what we wanted it to be; and for that I know I will always be grateful to her; my wife too.

But every time I think back to that day, I can’t remember those trivial details; the food, the flowers, etc… I remember more-so, sounds, scents, her above all. And at times these have been painful memories because I have asked myself, as you know, what went wrong, and how did I not see it. But now, these are happy memories; I know I love her and always have.

As she walked down the aisle, strapless dress, fitted down through her body down to her knees, flowing below, it’s as if everything around her, and me, just stopped moving; almost disappeared. I'm not sure I remembered where I was, and I can’t even remember what the sounds were. All I know is that it was, well, enchanting. And I am guessing this is a natural feeling, something you should feel; I think I might have even shed a tear, or two. And the ceremony, I must say I don’t really remember much either; Catholic, pretty standard at times. The First Reading read by her mom, the Prayer of the Faithful, read by my sister in law and one of my friends, communion, etc… The mass was mostly in Spanish, something I wish could have been different. I know my wife couldn’t understand a whole lot. All in all, the church was magnificent, and she was there, standing next to me.

The reception was just as stunning, I think. At end of the pier at the Yacht Club, upstairs, open to the breeze of the ocean, only a thin fabric canopy surrounding the entire space. Lights were dimmed, flowers beautiful, striking to be honest, or so the pictures make them seem. As we walked down the pier, just the two of us, everyone waiting on us, Taylor Swift’s “Enchanted” played in the background, hence the title. And I remember it as if it was playing in the distance, as if I was removed from reality and was watching us. It seems to have taken forever to get there, and granted the pier is quite long, but as we walked up the stairs, and everyone’s eyes were on us, mine could only be on her. And I know I have never been someone to show much emotion, hard to read if you will, but that is what I was feeling inside, at that moment.

The night went well. People ate, danced, drank and had a good time. And us, we tried to eat some, danced, drank, and mingled with people. I think if I could go back to that day, I would only change one thing; I would spend more time with her. And don’t get me wrong, I do not regret how the night went, I think it was fabulous. I said a long time ago, and if you have followed this blog from the beginning you might remember, that one of the events that defines me as who I am today, is the day I married my wife; that hasn’t changed and will never change. I love her with all my heart and I know we will be OK in the end, together. I'd like to leave you with something to think about; never forget that a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.