Milo, You Crazy Cat!

I've never been a person to like pets. I always thought they were a hassle, a lot of work, preventing you from having your freedom. We got Milo about a year or so ago, he came into our lives by chance. We were working out on the yard and we heard a noise coming from the bushes across the street. My wife went over and found this tiny kitty just hiding there, looking so scared and looking so hungry. It was so sad to be honest. So we brought him in and we fed him, gave him some milk. I was very clear with her that he could no stay inside; no way. As time went by he would hang out in our back patio and we would feed him. He grew up, we got him a bed for outside, and you could tell he considered this his home.

One day we found out he had been bitten by another cat, a much larger cat. He was in so much pain, and at that moment I felt so bad. I felt like I had let him down, that I left him out there, vulnerable. We took care of him, my wife took him to the vet, got him better and we decided that he needed to stay inside, at least until he was better. He did, for 2 months, in the laundry room. Once he got better, we decided he would be an inside - outside cat. He would be outside during the day, but inside at night; to protect him I think. Time has gone by and it is amazing how we change our feelings towards things we never thought possible. I love Milo, I really do, and I consider him part of this family and part of this home. This is his home and he knows that. That is why, when my wife decided to leave, I told her Milo had to stay, that this was his home. It broke her heart, she loves that cat like nothing else, so much. But I thought she needed to feel like she was losing something. She was losing me of course, for the time being at least, but she couldn't take part of this home with her. She made the decision to leave this home, and with that, everything in it.

I truly feel so bad for Milo, I can tell he misses her, so much, and it kills me sometimes. He comes to the bedroom and lays by her side of the bed, as if he was waiting for her to come to bed and play with him, like she always did. Yesterday I was cleaning the house and the couch by the window that looks out into the driveway was full of Milo's black hair. It is almost as if he sits there, looking out, waiting to see if his mom comes home; it is so sad, it breaks my heart. We sometimes forget that pets have feelings too, they can sense something is wrong and it pains me to watch him miss her. I miss her so much too and it is so tough.

Today is a hard day for me, I don't know why, but I woke up and I just felt empty. During these times we have good days and bad days and we need to learn to deal with them. I don't know what will happen with Milo, maybe with time he'll forget; I doubt it though. I love taking care of him and I feel like he is starting to look at me differently. Maybe I am imagining things, but I think he is starting to realize what I have already realized; that she might not be coming back and that it is him and I now. It is so hard to say that, so hard to face reality, but it is the hard truth. I don't know what God has in store for us, I just don't know. But whatever that is, Milo, me and the rest of this home will be ready for it. Our hearts are most definitely broken, but our spirits must remain high. Tomorrow will be another day, a new day with new challenges; I know that. It is going to be a tough journey, a painful journey, either way, but I think we are ready for it. Bring it on life!

Rare as is True Love, True Friendship is Rarer

My mom always told me that you realize who your real friends are when everything goes to hell. And it is hard to see that until everything, indeed, goes to hell! Well, I find myself in this situation now, as you know; and it is amazing how people emerge in you life, people who you never expected, who help you grieve, who help you deal with the heartache you go through. Sometimes your best friends emerge in these situations; they listen to you, they let you speak, but most of all, they give you advice. Let me be clear, that advice is not always what we want to hear, but it is honest, it comes from the heart and it comes from someone who truly has our best interest in mind.

I cannot even imagine where I would be today, were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy, have given me the strength to move forward. Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun! One friend told me, "You will always have our support. I think you are a very strong person, and I believe there is a reason for every situation, good or bad. I am so sorry that your are having to go through this, and I cannot imagine how tough it is for you". This means so much to me, it means a lot a friend thinks I am a strong person, because it is during these times, where we need to be the strongest. Another friend told me to simply make sure I think before I do. She told me that the heart can be very deceiving at times and that we need to make sure that what we feel is the correct thing to do. She also told me that I would probably do the wrong thing anyway, because I would follow my heart, but that she would be there if I fell down again and someone needed to pick up the pieces. It is amazing what a real friend will do for you. They will stand by your side, even when they know it is going to be tough.

I think sometimes we confuse acquaintances with friends. Aristotle once said, "Wishing to be friends is quick work; but friendship is a slow ripening fruit". Friendship is built over time, not only in good times, but in bad times. We need to learn to differentiate, knowing about someone and knowing someone; I think I've already said that! But it is so important to know that. In a world of instant gratification, we tend to forget that relationships are built over time; in business and in our personal lives. When choosing friends, we need to be careful not to focus on personality, someone similar to us, but we need to focus on character. That is what speaks volumes about someone. What is that person willing to do, good or bad? The best friends always carry good character, good principles and a level grounded mind. I found a friend tonight, someone I didn't imagine. I am so lucky to have these friends, old and new; friends who support me and friends who stand by my side. Real friends are not those who nod when you nod or change when you change; those are circumstantial friends, only there when things are great or when it is favorable to them, when they can benefit from you. Friendship is the ultimate test of character, because friends will advise freely and justly, and sometimes it is not what we want to hear. If someone tells you everything you want to hear, helps you justify you thoughts, then they are nothing more than an acquaintance. Socrates told us to be safe when falling into friendship, we might just be taken advantage off. It is sad to say that, but I feel it is real. There are a lot of people out there with bad intentions. Always question one's character and one's principles. Real friends are the people who will be by your side during the hardest time, wanting nothing in return. Be there for somebody, be a friend, a true friend. You will get one in return and trust me, you'll need them.

Putting Things in Perspective

Yesterday was a strange day to be honest. I was feeling good; I started writing this blog, putting my feelings out there, trying to tell my story, so others can maybe be inspired by it. All along I thought what I was going through was tough; and it is, don't get me wrong. But then, right after I finished posting my last entry yesterday, I got an alert on my phone with the news out of Connecticut. It all just stopped and didn't know what to think, write, say or even feel. Here I was, sitting at my desk writing my feelings about what I was going through, how tough it was and how it was making me a better person. All of the sudden it all went away. Immediately, I felt weird, I felt like what I was going through was irrelevant. Events like this one have the power of putting things in perspective. Just when we think we have it bad, something like this happens and it makes us realize that we are really so lucky.

We all go through incredibly painful situations during our lives and I feel like I am living one of those. But that does not even begin to compare to what these families are going through right now. I couldn't even tell you what it feels like, I have no clue. But I feel now that what I am going through is not that bad. Don't get me wrong, I still hurt, a lot, and I still need to get my shit together! But I haven't lost someone to the hands of evil; well maybe, but not yet. These parents will never see their children again, and that, to be honest, is just not fair. I have a 20 months old nephew who means the world to me, really does. I couldn't even imagine how I would feel had he been in that classroom; I couldn't even begin to tell you how his parents would feel.

My mom once told me that a parent should never outlive her kids, and I couldn't agree more. The love one has for a child is incomparable to anything else in this world. Children do change us, they change us as people, as human beings, they make us better people, they teach us that we are no longer the priority, that they always will come first. Children are an amazing gift, and yes, I mean a gift, a true gift, and I pray for all those children out there who don't feel as if they are such. It is unfair for children to grow up unloved, however, it is sometimes those children who emerge the strongest of all. It goes back to what I said yesterday, never ever let anything define you as a person, always use the experiences you go through and your memories and define yourselves. Willpower and determination will get anyone there, trust me, I am living it now. Nothing good in life is easy and this is no exception; if you want something good, you are going to have to fight for it, just think of Black Friday! If it seems too easy, then it's probably not worth your time. We sometimes have to be stronger than any bad memory we have. We need to show ourselves who is boss. We can't let our emotions control us, as sometimes, the heart and the soul can be the greatest devil of all. We need to learn to put things in perspective, to rationalize what it is that our thoughts mean, what our feelings mean. It is during times like these, when tragedies of this magnitude happen, that we realize who those people are, that we need by our sides.

This has really showed me how much I really love my wife; I don't know what I would do if something was to happen to her; yes even when we are going through this. We need to realize that no matter how bad we think we have it, there will always be a child out there sleeping on the streets, hungry and cold; there will always be a family burying their child. We need to understand that if these children and families can get up and go about their day, we should be able to emerge from our somewhat "bad" experiences, much easier. Never forget that the mind is the greatest tool humans have. Nothing is ever too hard; if we sit down and think of all those people who are grieving the loss of their children today, we will realize that, after all, we have it pretty good. Our problems are marginal compared to what happened yesterday and these unfortunate events sometimes help us see how good we have it and how much we should try to hold on to what we have. I pray for all those families in CT and I won't say I know what they are going through, because I don't, and not many people do. But this has shown me who those people are who really matter in my life. Make sure you always tell those people in your life, "I love you"; you just never know if that will be the last time you ever talk to them.

The World Keeps on Spinning

Sometimes, when we go through something that knocks us on our asses, we forget that the world keeps on going. We tend to get so down, we forget that we still have responsibilities and that, unfortunately, the world won't stop to wait for us to get back up. I said earlier that we are defined as people, by how we deal with adversity. It is during those hard times, those times where we just want to disappear, that our character is tested and our strength needs to be at its best. It is easy to say, but very hard to actually do.

I can be honest and say that I just wanted to go away, wake up and realize it was all a dream, make everything go away. But unfortunately, we are put through these tests for a reason. It is hard to understand those reasons sometimes, but we need to be strong. We need to come out of these situations, stronger, faster and simply better. It is these things that redefine us as human beings. The weak will be left behind; they will be left behind for people to feel sorry for them and pity them. The strong, they'll look adversity in the eyes and walk past it, emerge from the very bottom. I will be honest again, it is incredibly hard to do, mainly because you just don't know what lays ahead. We are the only ones who can define ourselves and our lives, what we do, who we chose to be with, etc...

I don't intend to blame anyone for what has happened to me, because nothing is gained from it, nothing. I know now that I need to look into the future and see what that future holds for me. If that means my wife comes back, I will be the happiest man alive. There will be a lot of work to be done, for sure, but I would still be very happy. If it means, she decides to move on, I will have moved on as well. We need to live life to the fullest, and I know that sounds like a cliche. But what I really mean by it, is that we can't waste time "waiting". Nothing good comes out of that. We need to use that time instead, to better ourselves, to try new things, become a better person...

Yesterday I took a Spinning Class. Second time I ever do it and it was so hard. But as I was there pedaling, standing on the bike, I kept thinking, I can do this, I am that good, I can get through anything put in front of me; and that kept me going. In the words of Nelly, "When you call me, you call me the champ, of the world. I can raise my hands, I can scream I'm the best in the world, whole world. All my blood, sweat, and grind was all for this time". In life these are the things that keep us going. You need to get your mind off of sadness, clear your head, day dream and think, really truly, think. These are times for reflection, times where we become better people, because bad things happen in our lives. It is crazy to think that it's even possible, but everything happens for a reason. Sometimes people need to make horrible mistakes to realize who they are. God gave us the power to forgive, and that is something humans don't do enough. I have learned that forgiving is one of the greatest feelings ever, deep inside of you. He forgave something much worse than anything that could ever happen to us, ever! We need to put things in perspective sometimes and realize that we are human, we make mistakes, and what separates the good ones from the bad ones, is how we react after making those mistakes. Think about that, and forgive someone for something you never thought possible. It will make your day!

My Story

My story is no different than that of many other people. I had everything that I ever wanted, a wonderful wife, a great job, great friends, new and old, a loving family... I thought everything was bright and life had become what I had always wanted it to be. Then one day it all changed; my wife told me she was confused, lost, she didn't know if this was what she wanted. We took a few days apart, so she could figure what that confusion was, what the source of the unhappiness was. After several days, she officially decided she wanted to take some time alone, time to be by herself, time away from the marriage, to figure things out.

Surprisingly I took it very well, I don't know why... Maybe I am too rational... But it broke me inside, it really did, as it would anyone else. I felt alone, I felt like my world was falling apart. It is that feeling in your stomach, where you just can't move forward like this; it is simply terrible. This happened Wednesday and that night was miserable. For over a week, I had not been able to sleep, eat much, or concentrate at all for that matter. The uncertainty was killing me. But when reality hit, it was worse than I thought. But you have to realize that live goes on. I told her the door to her home would always be open for her to come back, at any time, but I couldn't promise how I would feel at that time. I realized I needed to move on; I needed to move forward and live my life as well. She had made a decision and that decision came with the consequence of possibly losing me forever. That is the last thing I think about right now, but time does strange things to people. I had to come to grip with the fact that then, at that moment, it was me, alone. It is a feeling a don't wish on anyone. Sometimes it takes losing something to realize what it was that you had. It is a sad reality, but very true. It has happened to everyone at some level, I know it has happened to me. Sometimes we are lucky and are able to get that back before it is too late; sometimes we are not so lucky.

But with risk come consequences and we all know this. It pains me to see this happen, it really does, but there is not much I can do now. The ball is on her court and I am sitting on the bench. I now have to move forward alone, and if she ever decides to come back home and look for happiness again, I know I will be ready, mentally and emotionally, to handle whatever it is that life brings me. Life is a bitch everyone, but it is how we react when it knocks us down that defines us as the person we are. In the words of the great Jimmy V, "Don't give up... Don't ever give up..."