We All Realize That With Technology Come Unintended & Undesirable Consequences

If it wasn't for Thomas Edison we would still be reading under candle light, and if it wasn't for Steve Jobs' vision, we wouldn't have the iPhone today. Technology has given us all the great things that surround us, all those things that make our lives not only easier, but more enjoyable. But I also think that technology has taken over the world, in a sense. We have this idea that technology has all the answers, we rely so much on it, as to almost not only expecting to do everything for us, but to an extent feel for us. But what happened to human interaction? What happened to calling people and talking, listening to someone else's voice, listening to the way things are said, their tone of voice, their mood. We have gotten so caught up in smiley faces on text messages, that we feel we know people after 5 minutes, or 5 texts, after meeting them. What happened to building relationships based on people's characters and personalities, and not so much on their profile pictures, Facebook updates and latest Tweets?

I feel we now live in a world where the current generation has an obsession with sharing everything with the world, to see how many "Likes" they can get on their status updates. Whatever happened to talking to friends, spending time with those people who mean something in your life, those who you consider family. So many people feel as if they can live their lives through technology with no, or little, need for human interaction. I remember growing up, not that long ago by the way, when we talked to girls in middle school and your personality actually meant something, you got nervous and stuttered, didn't know what to say. Nowadays it seems that the youth of the world has forgotten how to look up, since their heads are always staring down at the phone, or at the ground. Everyone seems to hide behind text messages, and Facebook, that I feel we are loosing human empathy, the ability to feel something for someone else, someone who is in front of you. Look around you at these kids and you'll see what I'm talking about. What ever happened to actually feeling something because you talked to someone, because you felt a connection with someone; someone who looks at you in the eyes and talks to you. Why do we pay so much attention to the smiley faces on our texts? Why are we always feeling the need to update our Facebook status and tell the world all the great things happening? Haven't you noticed that Facebook is only filled with happy relationships and marriages? I honestly, from the bottom of my heart, wish to all of my friends out there, that your relationships are as good as Facebook makes them out to be.

Why do we do things, with technology, that we feel as if we need to hide them? Technology has given us a great way of life, an easier way of life as I said earlier. But we have forgotten the maybe unintended and sometimes undesirable consequences that come with this gift. With smart phones now everywhere, even in the hands of eight year-olds, it is so easy to conceal things, do things that we know are wrong, but we also know we can't get caught doing, that we feel almost invincible, untouchable; it gives us a rush, a feeling of excitement. I feel we have gotten to a point where some are almost using all the right technology for all the wrong reasons. We need to go back to a world where personal interactions are the norm, where we call rather than text, where we put more emphasis on human connections rather than convenience. I know we have to adapt to technology because it is what's around us, but sometimes life is much more than what makes sense on paper. Just because we have it available to us, doesn't mean we have to replace human emotions with it. We need to use technology for what it is and not let it take over us. It can't feel for you and it can't convey your feelings to others, no matter how many smiley faces and LOL's you use. Talk to the people who really matter to you, and I mean actually talk to them. I know I am really bad at that and should do it more often. I am guilty of all the things that I've rant about here, but I have realized that technology can really hurt people and relationships. Humans have the ability to feel, to hurt, to cry and to laugh, machines don't. Pay attention to what really matters and you'll realize that your iPhone, iPad, Facebook and so on, mean nothing when compared to the sound of the voices of the ones you love.

Moving On Is a Simple Thing, What It Leaves Behind, Not So Much

We learn at a young age that sometimes it is better to let things go, move on to the next thing. And as we grow up, we continue to face situations like this. At work, at home, with the family, sometimes we just need to take the high road, if you will, let go of an argument for example, and move on. I wanted to talk about moving on; most specifically moving on in life, or with our lives. We all know that throughout our lives we are going to encounter trouble, heartache, deceit, a lot of pain; it being because of something like what is happening to me, the death of a loved one, loosing your job, etc... But we all get to a point after whatever it is that happened to us, when we realize that unless we keep our heads up and look forward, leave the past behind, we will never get better and life will pass us by. And when I say that, I don't mean forgetting the past, ignoring it because it hurt us; I mean using that past, that heartache, as motivation for the future, as fuel to achieve whatever it is that we have set ourselves to achieve.

I said a few weeks ago that people can react to bad memories two ways; they can use it as motivation or they can choose to victimize themselves. I choose to use what has happened to me as motivation for my future, to achieve what I know is what I want and to move on. I understand you can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, and although that might not be the case quite yet, we might get there one day, soon; and I know now I'll be ready for it. I read a poem by Pablo Neruda that I thought was very powerful and I felt speaks for me. Here is an excerpt:

Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you, little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
Remember
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land

It is really such a powerful piece, because it shows that regardless of how much we try to hold on to something that we love so much, if there is no reciprocity to that feeling, then we must let it go. I've thought about unconditional love and what that really means, if it really is real. But think about those two words for a second; they truly are one of life's great paradoxes. There is no such thing as unconditional love. We give love to someone with the condition of getting love back. When the love for us is gone, so is the love we give.

Let's talk about the title; I think it perfectly explains my current state of mind. I have chosen to move on, continue my life as it is today, and don't let this bring me down and affect the rest of what makes me, well, me. And that is pretty easy to do to be honest. It is nothing more than a choice and a state of mind, a decision to make the best of my current situation and live my life. But what is left behind, well that is a much different story. I think that is why I have struggled so much, it is because all the memories, good and bad, all the things that we have gone through; all those things are almost impossible to leave behind. I feel as if these things follow me, and with reason, to be honest. How could I possibly just let all of those things go? It would be robotic of me to do so. But I choose to look at it this way; I think all those things, all those great memories we have together, those great times we lived together, so many of them, they make me who I am today, they are part of my life and will be forever, regardless of whether or not we end up together. And it is something that has taken me a long time to accept. A few weeks back, when I decided to move on and live my life as it is, I thought it would be easy, that I would just block these things from my mind and my memory and move forward. But I can't, I just can't. These things are with me, every day. You have to understand that so many years together, so many things done together, virtually everything around you day in and day out, triggers some kind of memory; and that happens to me every day.

I chose to move on for one reason, and that is because I wanted sanity back in my life; I wanted my peace back, I wanted to be me again. And last Sunday at church I heard something that stuck with me and shines light on the whole idea of moving on. He used the analogy of finding shark's teeth on the beach and how not everyone finds them. He said that the shark's teeth are always there, but only those who are looking for them can see them. And then I thought, when we are closed minded, closed to life, we miss things, opportunities and new people pass us by, but when we open ourselves up to what is around us, we see new things. The idea of opening up to the world, opening our eyes, doesn't necessarily put new things in front of us, it simply allows us to see those things that have always been there. Cry as much as you need to, forgive everyone for the things they have done to you, learn from the past and don't be afraid of the future; and after all of that, move on, for yourself and not for anyone else.

Honesty Should Be The First Chapter in The Book of Life

The only way to attain honesty in our lives, is to not only be honest with those who are honest with us, but also with those who are not. Honesty is one of the pillars of life, and society for that matter, and like I said in the title, it should be the first chapter of our lives. I'd like to think that honesty, in the long run, is always the best policy. I know we always feel like we can get by with a few lies here and there, white lies if you will, because it is simply easier; or maybe we just don't want to hurt anyone. I know I've done it and continue to do it. But honesty is always the best policy. I try to think that I would do more harm to someone by my falseness of trying not to hurt them, than by the honesty of trying to hurt them. It is hard to get this concept through our heads, because after all, it is somewhat of a paradox, it doesn't really make sense or is rational. How can we possibly be doing better unto someone by trying to hurt them? I think back to my case, and I think it would have been much easier on me to know the truth and all the truth upfront. Yes, it would have hurt, a whole lot. But honesty brings clarity and clarity gives you peace of mind and peace of heart. I think a lot of times we try to convince ourselves that our dishonesty is justified because we are trying to protect someone, not hurt them. But why do we feel that we are entitled to decide, for someone else, what is better for them. Honesty will always be the best policy. Honesty is the foundation of our lives, it is what gives us tranquility and cleanliness of heart, a clean conscience, things that bring happiness to life.

But to be honest with you, often times honesty hurts, a lot. But I feel that I can respect those people, those people who are honest with me. And that is simply because I know that if they can tell me those hard things, those things that they know will hurt me, but they also know I need to hear, then I will always know that they have my best interest at heart. Good friends and family are those people who feel they can be blatantly honest with you because they need to, and you will appreciate it. Think about these three words: honesty, respect and loyally. These are three words that in my opinion should always go together. How could you have one in your life without the others? If you respect someone, then you should be loyal to that person and be honest with that person, right? I think with respect comes honesty, and for the longest time I felt disrespected. I felt disrespected that the person who I thought was closest to me, didn't feel as if she could be honest with me. How can you build a relationship, in life and in business, without honesty. It would be like trying to build a house on quick sand, it'll eventually sink and fall apart.

We need to remember that the truth matters, always has and always will, that we don't play by our own rules in life and we don't decide for others; we don't take shortcuts because they are easier and that all we achieve needs to be achieved by us. I've talked about a clean conscience and you can think of your conscience as a measure of your honesty, or selfishness.  Love in it of itself requires a clean conscience, and honesty. A way to look at it is that honesty will not always bring a response of love, but it is definitely essential to love.

The goodness of people relies on character - purity, honesty, loyalty, respect, moral courage, if you will. But above all this is relies on how we treat others. Honesty gives people the freedom to be themselves, to talk about things they wouldn't otherwise. Honesty promotes an environment of cleanliness and peace, of openness. Life comes down to honesty and doing what is right, not only for us, but for others. I truly believe in certain things in life. I believe in family, I believe in a good time, I believe in good food, I believe in people and the power they have to make a difference. I believe in intelligence over force and most of all I believe in the power of honesty.

The Only Way to Achieve Freedom is to Tear Down The Wall; And Right Now I'm The Wrecking Ball

Freedom can mean many different things to different people. But I think the feeling of freedom in it of itself, that feeling of peace, is something that has to come from within us, something that sprouts from our hearts and our minds. And what I mean by that is that freedom is not something that can be given to us or should be given to us for that matter, it is not something that we are necessarily entitled to; it is something that we must take. Think of all those people who have redefined history by fighting for freedom, fighting for equality. They never waited for someone to give it to them; they sacrificed in the quest to take that, for them and for others. In the words of MLK Jr., "Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor, it must be demanded by the oppressed". 

I honestly believe we are the only ones responsible for our freedom. But freedom is much more than being able to do whatever we want, whenever we want. It is the combination of a lot of things, of a good conscience, good health, prosperous futures. To have true freedom, we must be willing to do anything for it, be willing to sacrifice for it. But keep in mind that with freedom comes responsibility, comes the frightening prospect of having to grow up, take ownership of our actions and live with the consequences; and this is something a lot of people can't do. We have all been blessed with the ability and right to make our own choices, to seek our own happiness and fight for our own freedom, however you define it. And in that journey we often times make mistakes, hit road blocks, encounter people who want to oppress our freedom. But I think freedom is just as much what we do with what has been done to us. How do we use our pasts, our memories, those we try to repress, to move forward, how do we use those as motivation for the future. 

To achieve freedom we must also be willing to give freedom. Let those close to you be free, for themselves and for you. It means letting those people tell you what they want to tell you, even when you don't want to hear it; and you doing the same for them. It is fighting with and for others, for their freedom. It is being there for a brother, for a sister, for a friend. Freedom is much more than we make it out to be. Freedom is forgiveness, cleanliness of heart and and understanding that we are simply a small piece of something a lot bigger and a lot more important than us. But like I said, we must be willing to pay the price of freedom; and sometimes this can be a high price to pay.

I have talked a lot about family and friendship. These are the people who help each other, in good and bad times. These are the people who let you have total freedom to be yourself, and feel whatever it is you want to feel. It doesn't matter to them how or what you feel at any particular moment. Real love for someone is letting that person be whatever and whoever they really are. Find your freedom, wherever that may be, but always keep in mind that freedom is never free.

Gratitude Is Not Only The Greatest of Virtues But The Parent of Others

Religion has always been a big part of my life; I try to go to church as much as I can, I pray, and I think most of all, I believe in something that I know is bigger than me. And during these past weeks, I feel like I have become more devoted if you will. I don't try to ask God to solve all my problems because, well, I think He has more important things to do, but I do ask for guidance, patience and wisdom. I ask that He shows me what this all means and how I should move forward, that He gives me patience to tolerate others, to understand others and I thank Him for all He has done for me. But I also know that it is up to me to make it all happen; it is up to me to take whatever guidance I receive and use it wisely. As a good Catholic, I normally will try to pray the Rosary, or my prayer to Saint Jude, which I got from my Grandfather, but not long ago someone gave me this prayer from the Book of Psalms, Psalm 40. It really touches on gratitude and everything we ask for when we go through something tough, when life is unfair to us you could say. Here it is...

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust,

who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.

Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,

but my ears you have pierced;

burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.

Then I said, "Here I am, I have come-- it is written about me in the scroll.

I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;

I do not seal my lips, as you know, O LORD.

I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;

I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.

I do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly.

Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;

may your love and your truth always protect me.

For troubles without number surround me;

my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.

They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me.

Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;

O LORD, come quickly to help me.

May all who seek to take my life be put to shame and confusion;

may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace.

May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!" be appalled at their own shame.

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation always say, "The LORD be exalted!"

Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me.

You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.

I'm not going to try and analyze this, because who am I to try to do that. But I will tell you what I got out of it. It is amazing how after you read this a few times you really see two sides to this prayer. First off it is gratitude, a gratitude for everything that has been done for us, everything God sacrificed for us. But then it turns into a prayer for help, asking God to help us in these hard times, putting ourselves out there, as if we can't do this alone. And I agree; to be honest I don't think I would be where I am today if it wasn't for my faith and everything that encompasses it. I think that is what has kept me going, and most of all, what has kept me believing, even until today, that in the end, it'll all be OK. Trust me, and I know I have said it many times, it is very hard to accept something like that, but you do, because you believe that God has a plan for you. I do believe that, and I need to be patient. Whatever needs to happen will happen, I know there will be bumps in the road, maybe even road blocks. But in the end, we need to be ready for whatever life brings us. Always be grateful for everything you have, thank God and thank all your family and friends for everything they have given you. Be thankful for what you have and you'll end up with more. If you only focus on what you don't have, you'll never have enough.

I Like Intelligent Women - When You're Together, It Shouldn't Be a Staring Contest

As men we sometimes forget the power women have over our lives, the influence they have over us and all the joys and sorrows they give us. And let me be clear, I am talking about all the women in our lives, wives, mothers, sisters, in laws, friends, etc... It is funny because we don't really realize, until we are older, that it is all these women who have such an impact on us.

A few days ago I wrote an entire post about my mom, really the woman who has made me the man I am today, the one who taught me all my values and morals, the one who fought for me so much. Another woman in my life is my sister in law, someone who I have now known for over ten years. Saturday was her birthday, so a big Happy Birthday goes out to her! She has really shown me so much support during this time, she invited me into her family's home for Christmas, and has all throughout been there for me. I have learned over the past few weeks, so much about her, and have really learned to respect all she has done, not only for me, but for her family, her husband, her son. She is someone who has such a strong personality and character, and someone who I feel really truly cares about me. She sent me something a few days ago, an excerpt, that really applies to me and has somewhat opened my eyes. It comes from the book "The Time Traveler's Wife"; not something I want to read right now, mainly because I don't want more sadness, but here is the short excerpt...

"It is so hard to be left behind.

I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he is OK.

It is hard to be the one who stays. I keep myself busy, time goes faster that way.

I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I'm tired.

I watch the wind play with the trash that has been under the snow all winter.

Everything seems simple until you think about it.

Why is love intensified by absence?"

"Long ago men went to sea, and women waited for them,

standing on the edge of the water, scanning the water for the tiny ship.

Now I wait for Henry. He vanished unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him.

Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity.

Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass.

Through each moment I see infinite moments lined up, waiting.

Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"

Of course I don't wait for Henry! But the point, I think, is pretty clear. It is very hard to be the one left behind and it is hard for us to come to grip with that reality. I know I have said that before, but I think what I really want to talk about today, is how we can't just sit and wait. You read this excerpt and truly, it is so sad, and I am sure the book is probably sadder. But I think this opened my eyes to reality, a reality where you simply cannot sit and wait. Someone left me a comment on a different post a few days back which said, you can't wait for permission to move on. And whoever that was, is so right. I think I am finally able to move on in the sense that, I've accepted and faced reality, I've made it my reality. And it doesn't mean I forget about what is going on, because I don't know what the future holds, but I've accepted that now I live in a new reality, and to be honest it is a good feeling. Sometimes these realizations just come to us, and it did to me, throught things that happened. In the words of Steven Tyler,

"It's Amazing,

With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright"

I was finally able to truly, honestly not worry about things these past few days. I was able to just live life and have fun I guess. I realized life is too short to be spent worrying about things you simply cannot control. We'd drive ourselves crazy trying to do so! I know, and really have known for a while, that I cannot control this situation, never have been and never will. And to be honest, I don't want to try anymore. I didn't make these decision, I just reacted to life. We have to be quick to react and bounce back, remember I said earlier, life won't wait for us. These past few days, for the first time in over a month, I was finally able to actually have fun, do things I want to do, not think of the past. Things in life happen for a reason and sometimes we over-analyze them and other times we under-analyze them; and in all honesty, we shouldn't do either. We should take things for what they are, be objective, realistic. But regardless of all else, I have learned one thing; that it is the women in our lives that are usually right. Women have a way of making the highs higher and at the same time, the lows more frequent. And we take both. There is no doubt that women have always been the stronger ones, emotionally, spiritually, and even often times physically. Listen to the women in your life, they will more often than not lead you in the right direction.

Cooking Is a Lot Like Love, You're Either All In or Not In at All

Anyone who knows me knows that cooking, and food, are a big part of my life. I love to cook and I love to eat. I don't know why, but I'd like to think that it is because I have always been around food, always been around cooking. Growing up in Peru, eating is much different than it is here. Food is something that brings the family together, brings people together. It is a time to sit down and talk, a time to share with those we love. And I think I have forgotten about that part. Lately, eating has become more-so something we have to do, we sit in front of the TV and eat, and don't talk to each other. I don't really know why, maybe we became complaisant about things, each other, who knows. But cooking, that is a different story. My love for cooking is something that I grew up with. I have been cooking all my life that I can remember. I know I get that from my Dad, but I also get it from my Grandma I'd like to think. Always being around her growing up, her cooking at her house; those are great memories. But it was when I moved to the US, and being more around my Dad, that I really started to take it more seriously and started to, I guess you could say, get better at it. And trust me, I have loved to cook well before it became cool, it became mainstream. I love to cook and I cook pretty much every day, for me and for my wife, for my family. I'd like to think of that time as a time where I can relax, be myself. I love that I have that in my life, but I also know that I can be very controlling in the kitchen, evil! I know that I need to let people in a little more, let them help me if you will. Cooking should be a family thing, it should be something we enjoy doing with other people, with those we love, that only makes it more fun, more rewarding.

But why do I say that love is a lot like cooking? Is it really? I honestly think so, and like I said, the reason being that you're either all in or not in at all. Cooking is something you have to be passionate about, it is an art, I think. I see my Dad cook and I can honestly say, cooking is an art. We have to put all we have into it, to get the real essence of food out. The same happens with love, with marriage, even with friendship. We have to give it our all, we have to be fully committed, we have to be passionate about it. I know that if this marriage is ever to work out, ever, there will have to be passion involved. And I don't mean that in the romantic sense, I mean it as a passion that you want something so badly that you are willing to do anything for it, anything to achieve it; as an athlete would, you could say. I've said it a million times, love and marriage are very hard, are a struggle with someone else, a constant give and take, a constant compromise. And it is a two sided relationship, all those things have to come from both sides. I guess you could look at cooking the same way. Cooking is hard, cooking is a struggle, a struggle to learn what goes with what and what doesn't. I know in my life I have made some really bad food, but I learn from it and move on, learn not to do it again. Love is the same way, we make mistakes and we learn from them, we move on and we don't make those mistakes again. But I think the key to both is realizing that you have made a mistake, accepting it and facing it. I don't know what is on my wife's mind, I really don't and I wish I could send a minion in there to look and let me know! But does she realize she made a mistake? Has she realized that before? I don't know, and to be honest it doesn't matter until I hear it from her. Think about all those cooks and chefs who make terrible food but think they are great. Until you accept your mistakes, you cannot become a better person, a better cook. Learning to accept mistakes is part of growing up, part of maturing and part of learning how the world really works. We all go through that phase and it is tough, but we learn it is the right way to live life.

I want to leave you with this, we have to focus on the purity of love and marriage and try to leave distractions aside, try to forget those little things, that sand I talked about a few days back. Think about it this way, think about it as a turkey with stuffing. The turkey represents love and marriage in their pure state, and they are beautiful things; a turkey is a beautiful thing. But then you add stuffing inside and to be honest all you do is add mass to the turkey, unnecessary things to the marriage. All that happens in the end is the turkey takes longer to cook and ends up dry. Think of a marriage the same way, the more unnecessary things you add to it, the more it will dry out. I know that now and I know, if that day ever comes, that there are things that need to change, work to be done, stuffing to take off. Always keep that in mind, leave the turkey alone, it is great just the way it is.