Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?

I know this song speaks about one person, that person we give our lives to, that person we love above everyone else. But today I really want to talk about this question in a much broader sense. Have I really told all those people that matter to me, that I love them? I know a while back I wrote about that; I wrote about telling those you love that you indeed love them, and to be honest I went on and on about it and how important it was. And during the time right after, I did do it. But then I stopped, yet again fell back into my old ways; hypocritical if you wish. And I think it had a lot to do with my state of mind at the time. And not to use that as an excuse, because it is not, but I had talked several times in the past about how I was losing feeling inside of me, in my heart. And I think what really happened is that I became comfortably numb; no particular reference to Pink Floyd by the way!

And along with that came apathy. But not only towards my wife, but to all those I loved and all those around me. I probably didn’t realize it at the time, or better said, didn’t want to accept it at the time. I know I didn’t let people in to help me, to try and see what was in my mind. A great friend told me that all I did was push people away, and that it would only make things worse. And I think I listened, but didn’t really embrace what was happening to me and what I was doing to those around me. That apathy that grew inside of me, that apathy I thought was towards my feelings for my wife, was really towards everyone who loved me. I start to see that now, because now that my head is clearer, I can see that I really shut a lot of people down, when all they were trying to do was help me. I know I am that type of person, a very introverted person, who in times of trouble shuts down and tries to figure things out inside. But I have learned, and really continue to learn as the days go by, that I need to be more open; let people in. And not only in my own relationship and my own marriage, but with my family, my friends, and all those who love me.

I know circumstances have changed and I feel better now, but that does not mean I don’t need those people in my life anymore. If anything I need them more, to make sure I stay the course of this new person I am trying to be, but most importantly so I can give back to those few people who stood by my side when the times were the worse, when I was at my lowest, when my pain was the hardest, they truly sacrificed for me. I know I have done things in the past to push these people away, but they have stayed with me and that speaks to their character and the value they put on our relationship. I have thanked them in the past and will do for the rest of my life; this was a tough stage in my life and of all the people I know, they were the only ones there. And they know who they are; I don’t need to name them. But I have realized that I have to be more explicit about my gratitude, if you will. I am sorry, again, if I have not told you that I love you lately; I know I have thought about it and I think about it every day. This love is different, it is an appreciation and gratitude for the support, advice and loyalty they have to me; it is knowing that no matter what they’ll be there to help me, that I consider them my family and they consider me just as much. I know my love for all of them has to grow, my wife included. And I also know I have to let more love into my life, let people love me – no questions asked.

I’d like to leave with an extract of the song the title comes from. To quote Van Morrison, this goes to all those who I love and who love me, “You fill my heart with gladness, take away all the sadness, ease my troubles, that’s what you do”. Take this from the bottom of my heart, I truly mean it and I hope I can give that back to you one day.