Today is Ash Wednesday and a day we are reminded of the greatest sacrifice that was made for us; it marks the start of the forty days Jesus spent fasting in the desert avoiding Satan's temptations. It has really made me think, think about sacrifices and what they mean to me, and to us. I believe that we can achieve anything in life, if and only if we are willing to give up everything else for it. A question I continue to ask myself, and have been for a while is, what am I willing to sacrifice for my marriage? Am I willing to do anything to save it, repair it? The more I think about it, the more I lean in that direction, but not because I think it is right, but because I know that is what God would want me to do. I know I could have sacrificed more in the past, I wish I could go back and change that, but I can't. And then I asked myself, how much can I do on my own, how much would my sacrifices do on their own? In all honesty, nothing. No one person can save a marriage on their own, a marriage takes two people to form just as it takes two people repair. I've said it so many times, I don't know what is going to happen, but at least I am getting some more clarity. And trust me when I say, it doesn't really affect me as I make progress in my life, because life goes on and I understand that, but it is allowing me to understand what it is that my feelings mean. Today at Mass, I kept asking for the same thing over and over; all I asked is for direction and guidance in understanding what it is that my feelings and thoughts mean. There are a lot of things in my mind lately, and it is hard to make sense of them sometimes. I know God will help me figure it out by showing me the way forward. I know I need to have patience and trust in my faith, as hard as it really is, I know I must do that.
Marriage is all about sacrifice, giving up some of the things you like for the other person, for that person you love and who loves you back. The difference between a good marriage and a great marriage is the ability and willingness to sacrifice. As I said in the title, and have said before, in another way, marriage is not a feeling of happiness but a constant struggle with love and with that person, a complete willingness to sacrifice, for something you believe in, something bigger than you.
Ash Wednesday is just as big a sacrifice, if you think about it, it is you proving that you love Jesus more than you care about looking ridiculous for a day! It is a day for us to remember, reflect, repent and give thanks for everything that was given to us. Today is the start of Lent, a time for us to sacrifice for the one who made us and sacrifice Himself for us. Some of us decide to give up something we love during lent, and I have, beef and pork; and trust me, as much as I eat both, it is a big sacrifice. The idea behind it is not only to sacrifice, but to understand what was done for us and to try to do that for God, for someone else, and for ourselves.
I talked about emptiness a few days ago and I have continued to think about it. But I have realized that in that emptiness I will be able to find myself and I will be able to find my peace in God. No one wants to be alone, and to be honest no one deserves to be alone, we all want and deserve to be loved, to feel loved. But we can't put our desire for love only on someone else, when we know God loves us all, regardless. All he asks from us is sacrifice and humility, for us to repent from our sins and ask for forgiveness.
In this Lenten season I've bowed to be a better person, everyday. To be merciful and to have patience; to understand that we are merely transitional in this world and we play a small part in the large scheme of things. Love involves responsibility and love is sacrifice, for that special person and for God. I know I need to change, and I have, for me, and for those who love me. I know I have to become a better person, I want to become a better person. I've made the choice to sacrifice, for me, for God and for my future; sacrifice is the passion of great souls, you can't have love without sacrifice and you don't have sacrifice without love. In this time of reflection and repentance, find something to sacrifice for, it will make you a better person too.
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