Moving On Is a Simple Thing, What It Leaves Behind, Not So Much

We learn at a young age that sometimes it is better to let things go, move on to the next thing. And as we grow up, we continue to face situations like this. At work, at home, with the family, sometimes we just need to take the high road, if you will, let go of an argument for example, and move on. I wanted to talk about moving on; most specifically moving on in life, or with our lives. We all know that throughout our lives we are going to encounter trouble, heartache, deceit, a lot of pain; it being because of something like what is happening to me, the death of a loved one, loosing your job, etc... But we all get to a point after whatever it is that happened to us, when we realize that unless we keep our heads up and look forward, leave the past behind, we will never get better and life will pass us by. And when I say that, I don't mean forgetting the past, ignoring it because it hurt us; I mean using that past, that heartache, as motivation for the future, as fuel to achieve whatever it is that we have set ourselves to achieve.

I said a few weeks ago that people can react to bad memories two ways; they can use it as motivation or they can choose to victimize themselves. I choose to use what has happened to me as motivation for my future, to achieve what I know is what I want and to move on. I understand you can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, and although that might not be the case quite yet, we might get there one day, soon; and I know now I'll be ready for it. I read a poem by Pablo Neruda that I thought was very powerful and I felt speaks for me. Here is an excerpt:

Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you, little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
Remember
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land

It is really such a powerful piece, because it shows that regardless of how much we try to hold on to something that we love so much, if there is no reciprocity to that feeling, then we must let it go. I've thought about unconditional love and what that really means, if it really is real. But think about those two words for a second; they truly are one of life's great paradoxes. There is no such thing as unconditional love. We give love to someone with the condition of getting love back. When the love for us is gone, so is the love we give.

Let's talk about the title; I think it perfectly explains my current state of mind. I have chosen to move on, continue my life as it is today, and don't let this bring me down and affect the rest of what makes me, well, me. And that is pretty easy to do to be honest. It is nothing more than a choice and a state of mind, a decision to make the best of my current situation and live my life. But what is left behind, well that is a much different story. I think that is why I have struggled so much, it is because all the memories, good and bad, all the things that we have gone through; all those things are almost impossible to leave behind. I feel as if these things follow me, and with reason, to be honest. How could I possibly just let all of those things go? It would be robotic of me to do so. But I choose to look at it this way; I think all those things, all those great memories we have together, those great times we lived together, so many of them, they make me who I am today, they are part of my life and will be forever, regardless of whether or not we end up together. And it is something that has taken me a long time to accept. A few weeks back, when I decided to move on and live my life as it is, I thought it would be easy, that I would just block these things from my mind and my memory and move forward. But I can't, I just can't. These things are with me, every day. You have to understand that so many years together, so many things done together, virtually everything around you day in and day out, triggers some kind of memory; and that happens to me every day.

I chose to move on for one reason, and that is because I wanted sanity back in my life; I wanted my peace back, I wanted to be me again. And last Sunday at church I heard something that stuck with me and shines light on the whole idea of moving on. He used the analogy of finding shark's teeth on the beach and how not everyone finds them. He said that the shark's teeth are always there, but only those who are looking for them can see them. And then I thought, when we are closed minded, closed to life, we miss things, opportunities and new people pass us by, but when we open ourselves up to what is around us, we see new things. The idea of opening up to the world, opening our eyes, doesn't necessarily put new things in front of us, it simply allows us to see those things that have always been there. Cry as much as you need to, forgive everyone for the things they have done to you, learn from the past and don't be afraid of the future; and after all of that, move on, for yourself and not for anyone else.