One Good Thing About Music, When It Hits You, You Feel No Pain

That was said by Bob Marley, and I'd have to agree 100%. Music plays such a big part in our lives and yet we don't really realize it. I know that music has helped me so much during this time, and it is funny how songs I have listened to for so long, all of the sudden start making sense. I am not much to really listen to the lyrics of songs, other than the chorus, so often times I don't really know what the songs are about. But in the past couple of weeks I have really started to listen to music; and it is amazing how many songs out there are about pain, pain from other people. But it helps, it really helps to hear these songs, and to be honest, sing them out loud, at the top of your lungs! To quote Reba McEntire, "For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness". For me, it is almost a way of talking to my wife, of telling her how I feel, what is on my mind, screaming as hard as I can, to get it all out of me; it feels really good!

There have been so many songs in these past weeks that have really spoken to me. Some new songs and some that I had been listening for a very long time. And like I said yesterday, it is funny how life works, because it will play a random song, out of hundreds and hundreds, that really applies to you and your situation. One song that came up this morning, again, after coming up yesterday, was Payphone, by Maroon 5. I've always liked the song, nothing special though. But then last night, I actually listened to the lyrics and got to think about it. I'd like to think that my situation and my relationship are a lot like a payphone. I mean, payphones are normally for one way use, and I am standing on that end, calling and calling, trying to fix this, trying to truly reach my wife, and no one is answering on the other side. It is frustrating to be honest and it demoralizes you in the beginning, but you get to a point when you simply hang up, and walk away. One thing I keep asking myself is, am I ready to move on, to walk away, truly, after all these years? Have I reached that point, where there is nothing else to be done or salvaged anymore? I don't really know and I don't think I'll know until that day comes, if it ever comes, when my wife decides to come back. It is something that I can't answer, and trust me I have tried to play every possible situation in my mind. The hardest part is that, even after all that has happened, I still love her, and that is because she is still my wife. But only time will tell and only time will heal. And there is no point in speculating, it'll only make things worse. So back to the song I was talking about. When I listened to the words, closely, they touch on so many things I'd like to tell my wife, scream at her, but I don't, I choose not to, because I know it is only impulsive, I don't really mean it. Here is a short excerpt from the song...

Yeah, I know it's hard to remember, the people we used to be
it's even harder to picture, that you're not here next to me,
you say it's too late to make it, but is it too late to try?
and in our time that you wasted, all of our bridges burned down

You turned your back on tomorrow, 'cause you forgot yesterday

I gave you my love to borrow, but you just gave it away

you can't expect me to be fine, I don't expect you to care

I know I said it before, but all of our bridges burned down

I've wasted my nights, you turned out the lights

now I'm paralyzed, still stuck in that time

when we called it love, but even the sun sets in paradise

I know that me telling her these things won't help the situation, and if anything, it will make it worse. And after all, like I said, I know it is impulsive more than anything, not really how I feel deep inside. I know that time will come for me to tell her everything I need to, to get everything of my chest and tell her everything she made me go through. But that time is not now and won't be anytime soon. I know I have to be calm and be a better person, be an adult. I read that music is what washes away the dust of everyday life. I know music has helped me and will continue to do so. Through other people's words and experiences, I know I can get everything out in the open, clean my soul of bad memories, wash away all the pain and sorrow. There is nothing like music to help uplift your spirit and make you smile. It is still hard to face reality, even when I have accepted it. It is very hard to realize that your wife left you, a man, for a child, someone who is not, and will never be, half the man I am. But it is what it is and there is no use in crying over spilled milk, what's done is done. Just keep in mind that those who sing will always find a song and those who love, will always find love.