First of all Happy New Year to everyone and congrats to my Clemson Tigers for the incredible win they pulled out last night when no one gave them a chance! Today I want to talk about new beginnings, new adventures, the essence of the new year. As with all the holidays and special occasions that have passed during this time in my life, Anniversary, Christmas, last night was no different. It was another very hard night. Last night was a night that I have been used to being with my wife, a night we have celebrated together for so many years and, well last night I couldn't even have told you were she was. I don't know what she was doing, who she is with, whether she was safe or not, or anything else for that matter. I know she has moved on and I know I keep saying that, but I am still waiting to hear it from her. I don't know why she just won't tell me; I know she is scared. I wondered last night if I would hear from her; after all I did hear from her on Christmas and our Anniversary; I really thought I would hear something for sure. And just as I thought, I did, at 12:02, "Happy New Year". But I again ask, what does that mean? Why do I seem to hear from her only on special occasions? Are these days hard for her? Is it guilt, or does she just happen to think of me at these particular times? Why not any other time? Or am I over thinking this... To be honest, I did not know what to answer. What do I say, did I think? Do I reply back, "Happy New Year"? Do I really mean that? Does she really mean that?
I finally replied, "To you too", hours later. But then I kept asking myself, why all of the sudden, why now, does she send me something, again? I honestly have no clue, and it really confuses me as to why she does that. If it is guilt, acting out, then why does she keep doing the things she is doing? Or does she think I sit at home crying all day and she needs to throw me a bone, because she is doing good? Remember I said yesterday, she is the one who has found someone else, so she has a distraction if you will, an infatuation, to keep her busy. But then I think, does she really truly miss me? I mean that would make sense too, right? Seven year of your life can't just be thrown away. Who knows why to be honest, but for me, well, the world keeps on going and I keep going around with it, taking care of responsibilities, living in the real world. But for sure I don't sit at home and feel sorry for myself, in fact, quite the opposite! And I hope I can continue to get better, as I have been over the last week. I know this will take time and effort from my part, but I know I'll be OK in the end.
I finally replied, "To you too", hours later. But then I kept asking myself, why all of the sudden, why now, does she send me something, again? I honestly have no clue, and it really confuses me as to why she does that. If it is guilt, acting out, then why does she keep doing the things she is doing? Or does she think I sit at home crying all day and she needs to throw me a bone, because she is doing good? Remember I said yesterday, she is the one who has found someone else, so she has a distraction if you will, an infatuation, to keep her busy. But then I think, does she really truly miss me? I mean that would make sense too, right? Seven year of your life can't just be thrown away. Who knows why to be honest, but for me, well, the world keeps on going and I keep going around with it, taking care of responsibilities, living in the real world. But for sure I don't sit at home and feel sorry for myself, in fact, quite the opposite! And I hope I can continue to get better, as I have been over the last week. I know this will take time and effort from my part, but I know I'll be OK in the end.
When we start a new year we all have resolutions, things we want to accomplish in the coming year, goals we set for ourselves. Some of us want to work out more, lose weight, some want to get closer to God, others spend more time with the family. Resolutions can truly be anything and it is up to us and only us to make them come true. I wonder what my wife's resolutions are? I don't know and honestly I don't care right now. But then again, what are my resolutions? What do I want to accomplish this year, in my life? Well, there are the obvious things, the golf balls; make sure I understand what happened in my marriage, find new beginnings, find new friends, meet new people, get closer to old friends, spend more time with my family. And then there's also the smaller things, the pebbles if you will; run a marathon, excel at my job, work on my house. But I think most of all, my resolution for this year is to continue to be the person that I am today, that strong person who can endure anything, that person who won't let anything or anyone take him down; that is truly a person I am proud to be. A resolution is truly a test of character. It is our character that will drive us, or not, to complete our resolutions, to continue after all the excitement has gone away. Those who give up after a few days or weeks, lack the commitment and don't really have the drive to continue once that excitement is gone.
Today was also a very hard day, for multiple reasons. Not only is it the first day of the year, a day to be lazy with those we love, a day to get ready for what is to come, but today was the day my brother left to go back home. Him and his family had been here with me for a while now. As you know I spent Christmas with them and then they came to stay with me. But today they had to go home, so I am back alone. And I am not going to lie, I really miss all of them. I miss the company, I miss the love and the support they gave me through all these days. But it is funny how the world works, just when you get down and are having a bad day, you get something, a message, that cheers you back up. It shows you that people still think about you, just when you think no one does.
But I know now that from this point forward it is me, by myself, on a new journey alone, a new beginning. I know it is going to be hard, and I won't lie, I am pretty freaking scared. But I know I have good support. I have a great family and great friends, people who care and people who will help me, because they know I will help them anytime. I'd like to wish everyone a very prosperous 2013 and may all your dreams and ambitions come true. Keep an open mind to anything and anyone, accept everyone, love everyone even when they don't love you, love yourself, kill with kindness, be the person you want to be and most of all, never ever let anything bring you down.
Today was also a very hard day, for multiple reasons. Not only is it the first day of the year, a day to be lazy with those we love, a day to get ready for what is to come, but today was the day my brother left to go back home. Him and his family had been here with me for a while now. As you know I spent Christmas with them and then they came to stay with me. But today they had to go home, so I am back alone. And I am not going to lie, I really miss all of them. I miss the company, I miss the love and the support they gave me through all these days. But it is funny how the world works, just when you get down and are having a bad day, you get something, a message, that cheers you back up. It shows you that people still think about you, just when you think no one does.
But I know now that from this point forward it is me, by myself, on a new journey alone, a new beginning. I know it is going to be hard, and I won't lie, I am pretty freaking scared. But I know I have good support. I have a great family and great friends, people who care and people who will help me, because they know I will help them anytime. I'd like to wish everyone a very prosperous 2013 and may all your dreams and ambitions come true. Keep an open mind to anything and anyone, accept everyone, love everyone even when they don't love you, love yourself, kill with kindness, be the person you want to be and most of all, never ever let anything bring you down.
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