I wanted to follow up a little bit on what I wrote earlier this morning. I was thinking today on my way to and from the gym, where I spend a lot of my time nowadays, about happiness, again, and why all this has happened. I thought, well, happiness in a marriage is not a constant thing, it never has been and never will be, happiness is something we fight for, everyday, with the person we chose to be with. Any husband and wife will tell you that happiness is something that needs to be worked on, something that you must want, inside, not something that naturally occurs and grows every day.
My wife has said she is unhappy, kind of, that she feels like she walks on eggshells around me, that she feels I treat her like a daughter, rather than a wife. I can't really say much about it, because, in my opinion, that is not the case, that is simply me showing my love for her, me worrying so she doesn't have to; but then again maybe I did, I don't know. I struggle, however, to understand why she feels she can find happiness elsewhere, just like that. I am not saying, by any means, that she cannot find happiness elsewhere, but instantly? How about the seven years we spent together, fighting, working, loving. I don't know how long she has been unhappy, but I have to imagine it has been a while, I mean, I don't think she would just get up an go, just like that! But why didn't she tell me anything before? I don't know what happened and in fact I don't even know what is happening, right now. I said earlier today that happiness hinges on a clean conscience, and that honesty is crucial. If my wife is that unhappy that she feels she needs to explore another relationship, with someone else she feels makes her happy, then why doesn't she just tell me! Why can't she tell me, if that is the case, to my face, that she doesn't love me anymore as a husband, and that she wants to be with someone else. I know, or at least I am pretty sure that, from her actions, that is the case; remember that actions speak louder than words. But she is scared of telling me, she says she doesn't want to hurt me, but I hurt more by not knowing. Or maybe it is that she is terrified of leaving everything, and starting over, by herself, or with someone who is much of an unknown to her; that would make more sense.
Butterflies in the stomach will only get you so far in life and love, but if that is what she considers happiness, I must respect that, and I do. I might not agree with it, but as I've said, we all define happiness differently. All I ask for is honesty, so I can look ahead and try to give my heart a chance to find true happiness, once again. I am ready to move forward, but I need closure, from her, if that is what she really wants. As bad as this will sounds, she cannot use me as a backup to her experiments, if you will; you are either with me or not, but you can't have both, that is not fair. I have loved that woman with everything I have, and I know she is scared. But in life, tough choices have to be made, and the sooner we make them, the least people get hurt. Happiness in a marriage, and love for that matter, are a lot like ninjas, they move and we can't really see them or touch them, but we know they are there. That is why we choose to fight, fight dragons if you will, to keep finding those things, everyday, together.
My wife has said she is unhappy, kind of, that she feels like she walks on eggshells around me, that she feels I treat her like a daughter, rather than a wife. I can't really say much about it, because, in my opinion, that is not the case, that is simply me showing my love for her, me worrying so she doesn't have to; but then again maybe I did, I don't know. I struggle, however, to understand why she feels she can find happiness elsewhere, just like that. I am not saying, by any means, that she cannot find happiness elsewhere, but instantly? How about the seven years we spent together, fighting, working, loving. I don't know how long she has been unhappy, but I have to imagine it has been a while, I mean, I don't think she would just get up an go, just like that! But why didn't she tell me anything before? I don't know what happened and in fact I don't even know what is happening, right now. I said earlier today that happiness hinges on a clean conscience, and that honesty is crucial. If my wife is that unhappy that she feels she needs to explore another relationship, with someone else she feels makes her happy, then why doesn't she just tell me! Why can't she tell me, if that is the case, to my face, that she doesn't love me anymore as a husband, and that she wants to be with someone else. I know, or at least I am pretty sure that, from her actions, that is the case; remember that actions speak louder than words. But she is scared of telling me, she says she doesn't want to hurt me, but I hurt more by not knowing. Or maybe it is that she is terrified of leaving everything, and starting over, by herself, or with someone who is much of an unknown to her; that would make more sense.
Butterflies in the stomach will only get you so far in life and love, but if that is what she considers happiness, I must respect that, and I do. I might not agree with it, but as I've said, we all define happiness differently. All I ask for is honesty, so I can look ahead and try to give my heart a chance to find true happiness, once again. I am ready to move forward, but I need closure, from her, if that is what she really wants. As bad as this will sounds, she cannot use me as a backup to her experiments, if you will; you are either with me or not, but you can't have both, that is not fair. I have loved that woman with everything I have, and I know she is scared. But in life, tough choices have to be made, and the sooner we make them, the least people get hurt. Happiness in a marriage, and love for that matter, are a lot like ninjas, they move and we can't really see them or touch them, but we know they are there. That is why we choose to fight, fight dragons if you will, to keep finding those things, everyday, together.
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