I'd like to start this post on a bit of a tangent if you don't mind! It's been two weeks since I started this blog and to be honest, before that, I never thought I'd do it, I never thought I'd go through with it and start. But it has helped me so much, it has helped me vent, get everything off my chest, put it out there for others to see, for people to get something out of it, to help people even. I have seen that my blog has been read in Germany and in Canada, and that really makes me so happy! I want to tell my story because I know that a lot of people have to go through this and I feel that maybe, just maybe, I can help someone, inspire people, anywhere and everywhere. This sucks so much, and I know we all need help and that's why I want to hear from you too, I want to hear encouragement from those who are or have gone through this, I want to hear your story.
So anyway, let's talk about happiness. I while back I asked the question, what is happiness, true happiness? How do we really define happiness? Happiness can mean so many different things to different people, but in the end, I think happiness is a shared feeling, something we share with someone else. In a marriage, your happiness is just as dependent upon your spouse's happiness as it is on yourself, and I think sometimes we forget that. We get so caught up on what we want, what makes us happy, that we make decisions based on that and we forget about others. We hear so much, "you need to do what makes you happy", but is that really good advice? Don't get me wrong, you cannot stay in an unhappy situation just out of pity, or just because, but honesty is key in those situations. I think back to my story and I think that honesty would make this process much less painful.
And then I ask, why do people try to take advantage of others at times of weakness? How is it possible that my wife, an incredible person I have loved for so long, has all of the sudden changed so radically in her pursuit of happiness? How did this all happen? Bad influences, bad people around her? Maybe. We need to understand that happiness is not something we can chase; you'll never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of, you'll never live if you keep looking for the meaning of life. Think about that, you can't keep chasing things in life, especially happiness, you'll never find it. When we marry someone we make the conscious decision to be with someone, to be happy with and for them, to look past things that annoy us, to fight for our happiness with them. We are all tempted in life, presented with alternatives, but it is how we deal with those temptations that will define our future. Being happy doesn't mean you're perfect, it just means you are willing to look past the imperfections. We must be able to differentiate between true happiness, true love if you will and mindless self-indulgence. I think of my wife and this situation and I think of that, nothing more than mindless self-indulgence, searching for that "craziness" she feels means happiness, above everything and everyone else.
Buddha said that for us to find happiness, true happiness, we must first be able to control and discipline our own minds. Once we can do that, the enlightenment of the world will naturally come to us. I've pointed that out before, we have to be able to rationalize our feelings, what our hearts tell us, before we can truly be happy. I think that a good way to lose your happiness, however, is wanting it at the expense of everything else; you will hurt so many people in the process, so many innocent bystanders. In life, we need to be committed to making good moral decisions to achieve happiness, and not be concerned with running after swift and synthetic happiness. I don't know why my wife doesn't see this, or maybe she does and she just ignores it, who knows! But she forgets that happiness is something that is built over a long period of time, infatuation on the other hand, is quick forming, is that feeling in your stomach, that feeling of craziness, that feeling of "happy". Those feelings come and go, but admiration for someone else, appreciation and respect for another person, those things develop over time, over good and bad times.
I can honestly say today that I am happy; I have been happy for a while and that hasn't changed. I won't lie, I am lonely, emotionally, but that will go away. I am happy with myself and at no point have I blamed myself for anything that has happened. My wife's actions are her choices and I do respect them, but I do not agree with them. I hold my head up high and know that, although I could have done some things differently, there is not much I could have done to prevent this, maybe delay it, but not prevent it. She chose to do this, to chase her happiness, to chase whatever it is she feels is there. And time will only tell how this will end. And don't get me wrong, we all make decisions to be happy, but what differentiates us is how we align those decisions to our values, our principles, our morals. I believe that my happiness, although very important, is not above everything and everyone. Maybe I am too unselfish, but I don't think that is quite it. I think it is more so respect for others and a deep understanding of life's values. We should always pursue our happiness, I know, but we should never use that as an excuse to do wrong unto others; it does not give us a free pass to act incorrectly, to hurt others. The title might be misleading, but the whole point of it is to show that we must keep an open mind, because it is sometimes these horrible situations that bring us true happiness in the end. I don't know where my wife's happiness lays or whether it is meant to be with me or not, only time will tell, and maybe my happiness doesn't really lay with her. But in the end we need to keep one thing in mind, and that is that happiness requires a clean conscience and a clean conscience is only filled with good will, love and most of all, honesty.
And then I ask, why do people try to take advantage of others at times of weakness? How is it possible that my wife, an incredible person I have loved for so long, has all of the sudden changed so radically in her pursuit of happiness? How did this all happen? Bad influences, bad people around her? Maybe. We need to understand that happiness is not something we can chase; you'll never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of, you'll never live if you keep looking for the meaning of life. Think about that, you can't keep chasing things in life, especially happiness, you'll never find it. When we marry someone we make the conscious decision to be with someone, to be happy with and for them, to look past things that annoy us, to fight for our happiness with them. We are all tempted in life, presented with alternatives, but it is how we deal with those temptations that will define our future. Being happy doesn't mean you're perfect, it just means you are willing to look past the imperfections. We must be able to differentiate between true happiness, true love if you will and mindless self-indulgence. I think of my wife and this situation and I think of that, nothing more than mindless self-indulgence, searching for that "craziness" she feels means happiness, above everything and everyone else.
Buddha said that for us to find happiness, true happiness, we must first be able to control and discipline our own minds. Once we can do that, the enlightenment of the world will naturally come to us. I've pointed that out before, we have to be able to rationalize our feelings, what our hearts tell us, before we can truly be happy. I think that a good way to lose your happiness, however, is wanting it at the expense of everything else; you will hurt so many people in the process, so many innocent bystanders. In life, we need to be committed to making good moral decisions to achieve happiness, and not be concerned with running after swift and synthetic happiness. I don't know why my wife doesn't see this, or maybe she does and she just ignores it, who knows! But she forgets that happiness is something that is built over a long period of time, infatuation on the other hand, is quick forming, is that feeling in your stomach, that feeling of craziness, that feeling of "happy". Those feelings come and go, but admiration for someone else, appreciation and respect for another person, those things develop over time, over good and bad times.
I can honestly say today that I am happy; I have been happy for a while and that hasn't changed. I won't lie, I am lonely, emotionally, but that will go away. I am happy with myself and at no point have I blamed myself for anything that has happened. My wife's actions are her choices and I do respect them, but I do not agree with them. I hold my head up high and know that, although I could have done some things differently, there is not much I could have done to prevent this, maybe delay it, but not prevent it. She chose to do this, to chase her happiness, to chase whatever it is she feels is there. And time will only tell how this will end. And don't get me wrong, we all make decisions to be happy, but what differentiates us is how we align those decisions to our values, our principles, our morals. I believe that my happiness, although very important, is not above everything and everyone. Maybe I am too unselfish, but I don't think that is quite it. I think it is more so respect for others and a deep understanding of life's values. We should always pursue our happiness, I know, but we should never use that as an excuse to do wrong unto others; it does not give us a free pass to act incorrectly, to hurt others. The title might be misleading, but the whole point of it is to show that we must keep an open mind, because it is sometimes these horrible situations that bring us true happiness in the end. I don't know where my wife's happiness lays or whether it is meant to be with me or not, only time will tell, and maybe my happiness doesn't really lay with her. But in the end we need to keep one thing in mind, and that is that happiness requires a clean conscience and a clean conscience is only filled with good will, love and most of all, honesty.
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