Today is our wedding anniversary; our first year of marriage, our first ever wedding anniversary. But is it a Happy Anniversary? I hate to say it, but no. I always envisioned this day as the most important day of the year; a day to celebrate what we had gone through together, the fights, the good times, the struggles, the laughs; a day to celebrate our lives together. I once read that a wedding anniversary is a celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity, and that the order of those change every year. Marriage is a difficult thing; we have to come to grip with the fact that we have made the decision to be with someone for the rest of our lives. That is a long time! We all come to that realization at some point, some of us sooner than others. But it is how we deal with that realization that will define the future of our marriage. Every day in a marriage is a struggle, in one way or another. There are good days and there are bad days. We laugh, we cry, we fight and we love, but most importantly we do all these things together, because we chose to, because we want to.
It is hard for some people to deal with the fact that, now, this is your life and you should work hard to make the best of it. I think sometimes we have a false sense of reality, it being because of movies, reality TV, etc..., we tend to expect the world to be different. We expect the world to be like in the movies, where people are happy all the time, and if there are not, they leave, to find it somewhere else, that easy. But think about this, if you are not willing to sacrifice, to make the effort, to fight for your happiness, to fight for a commitment you made, with whoever it is that loves you and you love, then why do you think that you deserve someone else to do it for you? Happiness and love are mutual feelings, and these are feelings that develop over time. I think our naivety sometimes confuses true happiness with infatuation; that feeling where you think you are happy, but it is because your are running away from something else. It is a temporary feeling of "good", a feeling of "I am better here, I am happy". But are we really? How can we expect happiness to develop instantly? How can we expect love to develop instantly? Is there really such thing as love at first sight? Well, maybe, but remember love is much more than what we realize, much more than just butterflies in our stomachs, I mean, we are not in middle school anymore! Love is a struggle, love is sacrificing for someone else, love is knowing everything about a person, being willing to take a bullet for them, being willing to fight to the death for and with them. You just can't develop these feelings instantaneously, I'm sorry, you can't.
An anniversary is a time to celebrate the joys of today, the memories of yesterday, and the hopes for tomorrow. It is a day to remember why we did this, a day to tell each other, I will fight for you, always, no matter what; I believe in you, in us. I wish my wife was here with me on this day, so we could celebrate, so I could send flowers to her school and plan exciting things, so I could tell her how much I really do love her. I know she is thinking about me, I know that, but I miss her. I don't know why she is doing what she is doing, I don't know why she won't fight with me, for all this. I read somewhere a few days ago, "The moment you're ready to quit, is usually the moment right before a miracle happens. Don't give up". I wish she could read this, I really do, but I don't think she should. I have no plans on her reading this, at least for now, and I hope she doesn't find it. This is a way for me to tell my story, document my struggles and let people know that even in the toughest times, we must keep things in perspective, keep our heads high and keep moving forward. I keep asking myself, and especially today, why me? I really don't know the answer, but I'm sure there is a plan for me. My wife sent my mom a gift a few months back, something she thought on her own. She sent a handkerchief, with these words stitched on it, "Thank you for raising the man of my dreams". Where did that person go? Did she just wake up one day and realized all this was bad? Is she going through a quarter-life crisis? How could a woman who said those words, a woman who has been an incredible wife, all of the sudden change like this? I don't really know, but bad influences, bad people will trick our minds, will manipulate us to get what they want, take advantage of us; we need to keep a clear head, and see reality; there are bad people out there. People will tell you anything, and I mean anything, if they think they can take advantage of you.
I hope she is OK, I really do. My love for her hasn't changed, yet; but I do start to feel somewhat apathetic, numb. I don't know what that means, I don't know if that is good or bad. All I know is that on this day, one year ago, I married the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I hope she realizes that and feels the same way; marriage is a two-way street. A successful marriage requires two people to fall in love, not once, but many times and I know that is tough to accept. But we change, we evolve and we should do it together. Mark Twain said, "Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century". If I could tell my wife one thing today, I would say, "I love you, I never stopped". Life can be very sudden at times, unfair, but never stop believing in something you've lost; you might just get it back.
It is hard for some people to deal with the fact that, now, this is your life and you should work hard to make the best of it. I think sometimes we have a false sense of reality, it being because of movies, reality TV, etc..., we tend to expect the world to be different. We expect the world to be like in the movies, where people are happy all the time, and if there are not, they leave, to find it somewhere else, that easy. But think about this, if you are not willing to sacrifice, to make the effort, to fight for your happiness, to fight for a commitment you made, with whoever it is that loves you and you love, then why do you think that you deserve someone else to do it for you? Happiness and love are mutual feelings, and these are feelings that develop over time. I think our naivety sometimes confuses true happiness with infatuation; that feeling where you think you are happy, but it is because your are running away from something else. It is a temporary feeling of "good", a feeling of "I am better here, I am happy". But are we really? How can we expect happiness to develop instantly? How can we expect love to develop instantly? Is there really such thing as love at first sight? Well, maybe, but remember love is much more than what we realize, much more than just butterflies in our stomachs, I mean, we are not in middle school anymore! Love is a struggle, love is sacrificing for someone else, love is knowing everything about a person, being willing to take a bullet for them, being willing to fight to the death for and with them. You just can't develop these feelings instantaneously, I'm sorry, you can't.
An anniversary is a time to celebrate the joys of today, the memories of yesterday, and the hopes for tomorrow. It is a day to remember why we did this, a day to tell each other, I will fight for you, always, no matter what; I believe in you, in us. I wish my wife was here with me on this day, so we could celebrate, so I could send flowers to her school and plan exciting things, so I could tell her how much I really do love her. I know she is thinking about me, I know that, but I miss her. I don't know why she is doing what she is doing, I don't know why she won't fight with me, for all this. I read somewhere a few days ago, "The moment you're ready to quit, is usually the moment right before a miracle happens. Don't give up". I wish she could read this, I really do, but I don't think she should. I have no plans on her reading this, at least for now, and I hope she doesn't find it. This is a way for me to tell my story, document my struggles and let people know that even in the toughest times, we must keep things in perspective, keep our heads high and keep moving forward. I keep asking myself, and especially today, why me? I really don't know the answer, but I'm sure there is a plan for me. My wife sent my mom a gift a few months back, something she thought on her own. She sent a handkerchief, with these words stitched on it, "Thank you for raising the man of my dreams". Where did that person go? Did she just wake up one day and realized all this was bad? Is she going through a quarter-life crisis? How could a woman who said those words, a woman who has been an incredible wife, all of the sudden change like this? I don't really know, but bad influences, bad people will trick our minds, will manipulate us to get what they want, take advantage of us; we need to keep a clear head, and see reality; there are bad people out there. People will tell you anything, and I mean anything, if they think they can take advantage of you.
I hope she is OK, I really do. My love for her hasn't changed, yet; but I do start to feel somewhat apathetic, numb. I don't know what that means, I don't know if that is good or bad. All I know is that on this day, one year ago, I married the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I hope she realizes that and feels the same way; marriage is a two-way street. A successful marriage requires two people to fall in love, not once, but many times and I know that is tough to accept. But we change, we evolve and we should do it together. Mark Twain said, "Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century". If I could tell my wife one thing today, I would say, "I love you, I never stopped". Life can be very sudden at times, unfair, but never stop believing in something you've lost; you might just get it back.
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