All day I've been thinking about family, about what I wrote this morning. I've been thinking about who it would be that I would put on that list, that list I asked you to think about. And I struggled, to be honest; it is not easy to choose those people that you would want to spend your last day with. But I thought and I thought and some choices were obvious, some surprised me. But then I thought about those friends, those friends back home who I have known all my life. And I started to think about my best friend back home. It is funny because we had known each other for a long time, but we really didn't become friends until later in life... We become incredible friends so quickly, we shared a lot and we always hanged out together; him and I, my brother and his brother, Rito. We virtually stayed at their house every weekend, did so much together, all become like brothers.
But then, one day it all changed. My brother had already left home to come to the US to go to college and I was still there, in high school. I would still hang out with them, all the time. In the summer of 2000, I was hanging out at the beach, south of Lima, with some other friends, when one of my friend's mom came rushing to the beach to tell me my mom was trying to reach me, it was urgent, something had happened. I rushed back to call her, and then I got the news. I remember exactly what I was wearing, where I was sitting, when she told me. I don't know what I thought, I don't know what went through my head, I don't think anything did, maybe denial. But immediately I got my things together and grabbed a cab back, the viewing was that evening. It is amazing how your world will change so quickly. I was supposed to go see them that night, that was the plan. The early morning of that night, him, and two more friends had been hit by a car, while on their 4-wheeler; he was the only one who didn't make it. As I sat there in the cab, going back, it seemed like that trip took forever.
When I got to the church, where the viewing was, I was just numb, I don't know what was going through my head. I had never lost someone while being old enough to realize it. It was just, I don't know how to put it. It is a feeling of, this could not possibly be happening. I really have no memories of that night. I only remember talking to my brother on the phone, him being destroyed, that was his best friend; and he couldn't be there. The funeral was probably worse. You are so young and you have to show up to bury your friend, a great friend, someone your own age; it is just not fair. You should never have to carry a casket of someone your age, but you do and it changes you. I don't think about this every day, but when I do, it destroys me; ask my wife, she has been there for those times. It is one of those things, I think, that you try to bury in your mind, you just don't want to accept. I said a few days ago, no parent should ever have to bury their child, ever. And I really don't know what that feeling is, it is something only very few people know, and I don't envy them. But I sat there, for many nights, with his brother, my best friend, and his mom, as she cried and cried and cried. I don't know what was going through my head then, but when I think back to that time, it breaks my heart. Why should a parent have to go through that, ever? That is just not fair. But life is not fair, and I think I can tell you that.
Life is never fair, and it seems that it is good people who always have to suffer. Why? I have no clue, but that is God's will. He always seems to want to take the greatest people with him; makes sense if you think about it. A friend is always going to be there, even when you haven't talked to them in a while. Once you know you have a friend, and I now know who those are, it doesn't matter if you haven't talked in months, they will be there, regardless. Think about how many of those friends you really have. I bet you it is not many. I don't keep in touch a lot with my friends back home, and I know I should, maybe it is lazyness, I don't know, maybe it is just me. But I know there are people there who will be there if I need them, no matter what. Rito would have been one of those, he would have been there for me, and his brother is there for me, I know that. But it is times like this, when we remember all those people we lost, all those people who meant so much to us, and are no longer with us. He was a great friend, his brother is someone I still consider my best friend. He left us too soon, way to soon. I never got a chance to tell him goodbye, and I know a lot of people didn't get that chance. But we have to continue to talk to them, keep them in our lives, know that they are still there, even though they are not.
Life is not fair, I think we all know that, but we have, every day, the chance to make decisions to make our lives better, to make them more fulfilling, to keep those people in our lives, who might no longer be with us; I know my Grandfather, and Rito, are with me. I know that I can talk to them, and I know I should do it more often. I know today they sit up in heaven, looking down on us, protecting all the ones they love, giving us strength, and most of all, smiling at us and telling us to enjoy life. They didn't get a chance to go out on their own terms, live their full lives, but they are now helping us, all of us.Think of those people in your lives, those who left you too soon, and bring them back. Just because they are no longer standing on earth, with us, doesn't mean they have left us.
But then, one day it all changed. My brother had already left home to come to the US to go to college and I was still there, in high school. I would still hang out with them, all the time. In the summer of 2000, I was hanging out at the beach, south of Lima, with some other friends, when one of my friend's mom came rushing to the beach to tell me my mom was trying to reach me, it was urgent, something had happened. I rushed back to call her, and then I got the news. I remember exactly what I was wearing, where I was sitting, when she told me. I don't know what I thought, I don't know what went through my head, I don't think anything did, maybe denial. But immediately I got my things together and grabbed a cab back, the viewing was that evening. It is amazing how your world will change so quickly. I was supposed to go see them that night, that was the plan. The early morning of that night, him, and two more friends had been hit by a car, while on their 4-wheeler; he was the only one who didn't make it. As I sat there in the cab, going back, it seemed like that trip took forever.
When I got to the church, where the viewing was, I was just numb, I don't know what was going through my head. I had never lost someone while being old enough to realize it. It was just, I don't know how to put it. It is a feeling of, this could not possibly be happening. I really have no memories of that night. I only remember talking to my brother on the phone, him being destroyed, that was his best friend; and he couldn't be there. The funeral was probably worse. You are so young and you have to show up to bury your friend, a great friend, someone your own age; it is just not fair. You should never have to carry a casket of someone your age, but you do and it changes you. I don't think about this every day, but when I do, it destroys me; ask my wife, she has been there for those times. It is one of those things, I think, that you try to bury in your mind, you just don't want to accept. I said a few days ago, no parent should ever have to bury their child, ever. And I really don't know what that feeling is, it is something only very few people know, and I don't envy them. But I sat there, for many nights, with his brother, my best friend, and his mom, as she cried and cried and cried. I don't know what was going through my head then, but when I think back to that time, it breaks my heart. Why should a parent have to go through that, ever? That is just not fair. But life is not fair, and I think I can tell you that.
Life is never fair, and it seems that it is good people who always have to suffer. Why? I have no clue, but that is God's will. He always seems to want to take the greatest people with him; makes sense if you think about it. A friend is always going to be there, even when you haven't talked to them in a while. Once you know you have a friend, and I now know who those are, it doesn't matter if you haven't talked in months, they will be there, regardless. Think about how many of those friends you really have. I bet you it is not many. I don't keep in touch a lot with my friends back home, and I know I should, maybe it is lazyness, I don't know, maybe it is just me. But I know there are people there who will be there if I need them, no matter what. Rito would have been one of those, he would have been there for me, and his brother is there for me, I know that. But it is times like this, when we remember all those people we lost, all those people who meant so much to us, and are no longer with us. He was a great friend, his brother is someone I still consider my best friend. He left us too soon, way to soon. I never got a chance to tell him goodbye, and I know a lot of people didn't get that chance. But we have to continue to talk to them, keep them in our lives, know that they are still there, even though they are not.
Life is not fair, I think we all know that, but we have, every day, the chance to make decisions to make our lives better, to make them more fulfilling, to keep those people in our lives, who might no longer be with us; I know my Grandfather, and Rito, are with me. I know that I can talk to them, and I know I should do it more often. I know today they sit up in heaven, looking down on us, protecting all the ones they love, giving us strength, and most of all, smiling at us and telling us to enjoy life. They didn't get a chance to go out on their own terms, live their full lives, but they are now helping us, all of us.Think of those people in your lives, those who left you too soon, and bring them back. Just because they are no longer standing on earth, with us, doesn't mean they have left us.
No comments:
Post a Comment